It has been quite sometime since I blogged. I have been discovering my new role as a mother, a student and being a civilian. I have spent countless hours depressed, trying to fit into a world that I no longer recognize.
The Army broke me down to build me back up into the soldier I became, and for six years I was a soldier, that was my only identification. There was no other way to introduce myself. It was “Hi, my name is SPC Sweeney” I had no first name with my co workers. Even though there was no first names, we all had one thing in common, we were all broken down and built up to be the soldiers we were, this made us family. We were all together all the time, dealing with problems you don’t deal with in the civilian world.
This change of going from a family to just a regular job was very heartbreaking. No other job is like the military. There is no connection in the civilian world. People don’t care to know how your day is going. They don’t small talk about ways you can make your life a little better. There is no “I heard you had a shitty day, come on down to the house and stay a couple days.” No one cares if you have an alcohol problem, or the fact that your spouse cheated on you. No one cares if you have PTSD or are suicidal. The buddy system instilled in the Army, is what keeps us alive. We learn to care for each other, rely on my buddy to have my 6.
Fast forward to now, I have spent the last few months going through the grieving states, the death of my former self and accepting my new identity as a veteran. It has been a hard battle that I have yet to win, but I know I can do it. I have veteran brothers and sisters who I rely on. They battle the same things I do and they understand.